Tails From
The Top Dog

10/07/04
Well my Polka peeps, for those of you who keep up with our never ending saga, you probably realized, from the last edition, that it was Tim's turn in the barrel. Now, I'm an equal opportunity band leader and feel that everyone should get their turn in the barrel and usually who ever's turn it happens to be is pretty evident. Then again as far as playing the correct notes goes, Lynn....Marie is always in the Barrel! However, I am not immune just because I write this little polka column, so I'm putting my stellar live performance reputation on the line and admitting my own faults. In what I've done and what I have failed to do and I ask......oops, that was another part of the weekend that we are no longer allowed to discuss per Lynn....Marie. Seriously though, at our last gig at Indiannapolis' RathSkeller, I more than contributed my fair share of clams to the chowder.

But let's start at the beginning shall we! Lynn...Marie and Winny arrived at my house Saturday morning at the scheduled departure time, but informed us that the generator was once again not functioning. But, knowing that the last time it failed was due in part to the battery and the spark plug, I offered up the fact that we would be driving right by a Sears where we could check our trusty Die Hard to see if in fact it had died rather easily. But, Sears can now rest assured that the Die Hard was actually putting up a fight and still had a little life left in her. So, we decided to check the plug. After buying the correct tools and spending an hour and a half in the Sears parking lot with Sam the service man, we got the generator running and were ready to go. Here's where my first clam comes in. Being the "kind and thoughful" band leader that I am, I offered to relieve Lynn...Marie of her first driving shift since the morning started out stressfully. At first she said no, which is what I expected since she's a take charge kinda gal, but then.....upon my return from the fast food joint with my breakfast in hand, she decided to take me up on my offer, which is....what I expected! So, off we go with me in the cockpit, one hand on the wheel of a vehicle that is semi driveable and one wrapped around.....something that was semi edible.

We arrived in Indianaopolis in time to check in to our rooms at the Nestle Inn bed and breakfast and then head straight over to sound check. The Nestle Inn was great by the way. If you ever find yourself in downtown Indy without a room, look them up, you'll be glad you did!

Sound check was fairly uneventful, which is the way we like it and the first night went pretty well. Lots of people and once again we had the beer garden rocking. Proceed to the end of the night, back at the Nestle Inn we enjoyed some less than meaningful conversation while I had my dinner of a lovely cajun grilled Tuna sandwich with all the fixin's while the rest of the band watched with envy and ate micro-wave popcorn. Road tip: always get your dinner to go and save it 'til after the show. That way when you're stuck in a town where everything has shut down, you'll be happily dining whilst the rest of your bandmates drive themselves crazy looking for a pizza delivery place in the local phone book.

Forward to the next day, while having breakfast, we learn from some of the other guests that there is a Catholic church close by with a Mass that I could catch. So, being the "kind and thoughtful" bandleader that I am, I thought it might be nice if Lynn...Marie, and Dave and I went to church together, since Tim was going out with his Mom and Dad as we were in his hometown.

After church, we milled around the mall that was close by and then went to eat lunch before we headed back to get ready for the afternoon show. All was going pretty well until clam number two reared it's very ugly head! I started "The Religion Conversation"! It was my fault, I admit it, throw me in jail, sentence me to death for it for Pete's sake! Death would have actually been a blessing at that point! Road tip: Never discuss religion or any kind on the road (or possibly anywhere!) no matter how innocent your intentions may be!

We made it back to the Nestle Inn.....finally and had just a few minutes before we needed to pack up, check out and leave for the gig. Now, we knew that the afternoon show was a family event, but I didn't know that we would be performing during the regional finals for the "Kindergarten Olympics". More specifically the "How many pretzels, tied to a six foot string, can your four year old pluck off using only his/her mouth, while two adults hold either end of the string, keeping the pretzels barely out of reach" event. Maybe the object wasn't to get the pretzels at all, but to see how many germs your kid can spread by completely drenching the pretzels in spittle before giving up and moving on to the next one, leaving the saliva soaked treat for a taller kid! It's like some sort of "Polish" version of bobbing for apples! Maybe bobbing for apples is "Polish" too. Why would you stick your head in a tub of water when you can stick your hand in and get what you want! And you want to call me crazy!

So, I don't know whether it was "The Religion Conversation" or the toddler olympics or the sun in my eyes or......but the afternoon show was where I threw the rest of my clams into the chowder! It was not one of my finer performances, but then again I really don't think anyone was listening that intently. I know that the little kids who turned the dance floor into a race track with the start of each song didn't hear any clams! I'm thinking that I'm going to start a traveling side show for county fairs. Something like those pig races, only I'll use the local 3 year olds as the racers and an accordion as the bait to mak'em run. I'm telling you folks, everytime the music started they were running laps faster than NASCAR drivers at Daytona! If you have spastic kids, don't expose them to Polka music, it only worsens their condition!

Upon completion of the gig, we packed up and made the trek back to Nashville and arrived around 1AM.....finally! I'm sure we were all glad to be home and more importantly away from each other!

But, never fear my Polka peeps we'll be ready to go and Polka the night away again after we have a short break, get the generator fixed, not speak to each other for awhile, stop asking ourselves why we put ourselves through this and.....blah, blah, blah. The musician is a glutton for punishment and it's in our blood. No matter how bad a gig we have, we always look forward to the next one anticipating that it'll be good, that we'll have a "Good PA System". That the buyer will actully "Honor the Contract and the Rider". That the people will "Appreciate what we do" and not ask us to play "Free Bird" and call it the American version of "The Chicken Dance". And so on and so on and so on and so on...........

AMF,
CK